I didn’t want this day, September 2nd, to have any power over me. September 2nd was the day my Father was in a fatal car accident.
On September 1, 2011, I prepared for the following day by going to an arts supply store with my niece. I had never bought paint supplies prior to that day but, September 2 of 2011 marked an entire year of not seeing my Daddy. I had no idea how painful that day would feel and I wanted an outlet for my emotions to pour.
September 2nd came and my niece and I sat outside, painted, and dedicated our art to Daddy. September 2nd, 2011 showed me that I love painting.
Losing my Daddy’s physical presence was something that, to this day, I still can’t fathom. I still can’t… or refuse to grasp, the timeline of when I last seen my Daddy. I always want to feel like I saw him yesterday. I always want to feel like I saw him smile at me just last night. (God gave Daddy the most beautiful and unforgettable smile.)
In navigating this new world, there has been so much pain, but it was through coping with the pain where I found things I love… the pain gave me my appreciation for John Coltrane, the pain was with me when I shot some photographs that I love, the pain weighed heavily on me as I wrote some of my favorite lines of poetry, the pain showed me my passion when it revealed to me my love for painting.
I’m sharing this with you because I know that sometimes the pain can feel inescapable. You can feel suffocated by it and wonder how ever will you live another moment within it. But, please understand me when I tell you… just give yourself another second then another minute. Repeat that until the wave of grief passes. While you are waiting for that minute to pass, do something healthy like create, take a walk, meditate, go shoot some hoops….
The darkness cannot consume you if you don’t give into it. God is bringing you through it. I urge you to Trust Him.
One more second.